I feel so bad for you.

My own selfish reasons to know all of you have destroyed us.

I wanted to have no secrets between us.

Now it seems the more I pried, or made myself available to you,

the more you resented me for it and closed me off.

Im sorry for loving you so much
that I wanted to know everything about you,
and for being so imperfect in your eyes.

Self.Fulfilling.Prophecy.

She misses the girl who reminds her of the ocean.

Shes got a picasso sketch hanging in her car.

Her yoga class gets her to obsess about the universe.

And she daydreams about other women.

She likes healthy cereal and dark chocolate.

She loves her family but never calls.

She embraces ambition until she gets lazy.

She loves her eyes but fears herself.

She is one of a kind.

She will grow up to be surrounded by love, peace and strength.

Trust.

What's wrong? Love bite your tongue?
Broken hearts around the world. Here goes another one.

Trust. I trusted you, unworthy.
Lust. I lusted you, not worth it.

Damn girl you were just so stupid.

We played while it was good but it was barely good
enough to keep my interest.
I gave you too much.
Too much credit.

Your big toys were much too small for my eyes.

I want some. I'll get some.
Good vibes always come my way.
Hey baby maybe you'll learn how to crawl someday.

Vacacion

Eighteen days 'til Cali
It's rather quite exciting
There's lots to do
And too much to eat
On this much needed retreat.
First we'll pack more then we need
We might even lose some sleep
We'll catch two flights
Hold hands at night
Planning out a new life.
What's great about this winter vacay,
Is that we've got a two weeks stay!
We'll visit friends and celebrate,
Ring in the new year and eat birthday cake!
We'll try to catch a glimpse of the stars
and forget about the troubles below ours
At home in Connecticut it will be cold and dreary
BUT In California we'll feel quite cheery.
With carefree moments made for toasting,
Lazy days made for soaking
The rays of Los Angeles
Make sunglasses first on my packing list!
When it's time to go, we'll know
We made the trip from coast to coast
Just so we could brag and boast
This was the vacation we loved the most.

A Work In Progress

Closed for construction

Destruction of body & mind

Changing directions

Expanding the spine

Laying the foundation

Building with stone

Releasing addictions

All on my own

25 years in the making

3 quarters yet to come

Through reformation

One becomes strong

I'm constantly changing

Re-laying the stone

Improving my circumstance

Confronting the unknown

So you're tellin' me he's the one....

Sure I'm excited for you. 
So happy that you've decided this one person is how you want to live the rest of your life.
But that life is not for me, if fact you now scare me.
Why can't I just be excited for you? Instead I run the opposite way; and close myself off from you who have made up your too eager minds and one-hit-wonder hearts.
That life, or choice is SO not me.
I wonder how can you be so sure?
Why would you want to give up everything you know of yourself to find it only residing in another.
God, how I wonder.... is it human nature to seek out a partner?
Or is it just the American way.
This mid-twenties thing is hard to get.
I discovered that I don't like change when it pertains to others.
Your life choice makes me depressed.
I can't even slow it down; why are you running full speed ahead to your souls' death bed?
No longer a unique individual, but part of a pair.... Then where do you go?
Soon enough you BELONG to another? IS THAT FAIR!?!
It's not for me but will I be forced to be alive in your world?
Do I have to choose someone to be accepted by you again?
Who are you to tell me, "don't worry, it'll happen to you too" gah!
Thanks for the warning, but NO THANKS!
I can choose for myself Who I Want To BE & with whom I want to be.
How could I or why would I want to settle on allowing another person the power to my inner key and what makes me, me?
Why would anyone in their right mind give ANYONE that much POWER!!!!
Why do I seem so upset? You twenty somethings out there & my previous single friends: YOU are happy giving up your self sovereignty, aren't you?
Is it because you get another's to fill your newly emptied space; breeding dependence all over the place?
It's funny 'cause as I write this I feel like a hypocrite.
I too am in a somewhat committed relationship. ....been together longer than those of you who are soo sure. But I don't feel the need to rest my entire happiness on this one individual.
I can count on me, no? ....so does this mean that I am not with "my person"
Some say you know right away.
Perhaps you don't care about losing yourself to find another.
It all seems rather silly and quite sad to me.
My individuality is too important to myself. I am just discovering my inner awareness.
Do you no longer care about forgetting who you were and falling into another as long as you are having a good time?
Well, I'm not looking for that ish yet.
Too much, too strong, too serious for me.
But I am Happy for you,  little cherubs.
Just don't hold it against me.... for I'll be all the while embrasing my own free spirit, mind and body.

Just a thought.

What is this comfort one feels within the sadness? What is the oblivion of feelings
One strives to forget but remembers immediately?
What is the thoughtless hole of feeling
--nothing and everything all at once.

Why me?

Which of my inner personalities is stressed?
Which one is acting like a child, unafraid to be embarrassed?
Who is this person manifesting itself in me?
Why do you choose now as the most im(propper) time to speak.
I don't want you, yet it seems I need you or is it Youwho needs me.

Listen. I'm not going to let you take over. So Emotions leave me be.

Distance. 8/29/10

We're together in the fact that we're the same breed.
Swimming in different pools but doing the same strokes
--each with her own waves to overcome.
We've been as close as we're ever gonna be.
But now separated by plastic and other peoples lives.
Like peas and carrots mixed in a bowl of fruit.

I love fall....It's as if the changing colors on the trees symbolize our own hope for rebirth. Each year the trees prepare to die and lose their leaves for the winter. It's amazing how dieing trees can emit so much beauty in the end of their life cycle.

Death is typically seen as the end of a long journey leaving us weak.

I am intrigued by the changing leaves of fall because even as the trees begin to fade in preparation for winter, their brilliance is more obvious than ever.

How is it that before a tree dies and sheds its leaves, it can emit such beauty and energy befitting spring's freshest blossoms?

To my broken bottle of pickled cider:

Thank you for the inspiration...

I've got a life to run & hide from--
another one waiting to begin.
The seasons prove as a reminder
to change my outlook once again.

Let's rake the leaves of memories passed
and sweep them off the porch instead.
We'll  get lost outside together,
when snow flurries once again.

Try to enjoy the present moment;
anticipating winter's wonderland.
 'For as the freeze creeps upon us
life is buried once again.

This is the Truth.

No matter what happens nothing matters.
The haters will still feed on you.
No matter how hard you try to diffuse..
The bomb's always aimed right at you.
But there's comfort in knowing such facts to be true
While avoidance is met with defeat.
The only response to negative thoughts is positivity.
The strength from within builds the courage to win
Against all threats at your feet.
Keep standing tall through stormy weather and all
And surely you will not be beat.
There's something to be said in keeping a clear head
And denying thoughts of discouragement.
Be bright instead and the one in the end, who holds the key infinite.

What is stress?:

To not be able to think or get done
--anything until the enemy has won
To lose hold of oneself through tensions aligned
To control all thoughts which take over the mind
To want separation from what body aches for
To overcome a limitless craving for more
To grow stronger in agony fighting the crave
While weakness prefers to race towards the grave
I won't give in, I'll fight it with thus:
--I prefer the Pen to an impulsive rush.

wish upon a star

we're both stars in the same universe
trouble is we're in different orbits

u'd spun around 7 times before i was born

i drifted slowly by searching forlorn
just 2 shooting stars among the fireworks

trying to meet without stopping first

spinning beyond reach thru celestial matter

like repellent magnets admiring from afar

and as falling stars crash down towards the earth

we leave behind nothing but memories and dirt

playing the game

Life is certainly funny sometimes

like a giant game of playing cards

or tug of war, tugging at my heart

the game of life becomes an art

Turning corners or choosing blind 

'cos everyone must roll the dice.

Who wins if the deck can change--

yet the rules remain the same?

When We Danced.

u came and went

and made me smile

when we danced 4 awhile
we went on dates and got in fights
and swore for never 'nother's night
nevermore moments rush with u
s'pose daydreams will have to do

Blessings: I'll take a hefty helping.

positivity thats what i want
positivity that what you got

positivity that what i need

shanti shanti shanti

live your life in positivity
growing love resourcefully
listen to the sounds of peace
filled with positive energy

let's all strive for life in peace
sharing what we know we need
change the world away from greed
and tune in to positivity

see the changes we have grown
into a world that was unknown
life is better now when you see
a new path built on positivity

we're not done, there's another step
breath in deep and don't forget
our mother earth and power sun
blessed us with positivity from day one

keep this gift within your soul
hold it, share it 'till you go
travel 'round the galaxy
sharing, spreading positivity

the end.

Dreams

It's almost daily now that
memories drift by
like magnets
reminding my heart
and hard to deny
heavy thoughts of you
align my bed
impossible ignorance
on previous comforts, now dead
what dreamers may hope
for solace in change
fearing que sera, sera
and you.. just water in my dreams

Positivity

Trying times

Prove rewarding

Patience builds

Out of mourning

Laughter will

Ring again

As you seek

Life's true mend

One of Those Days

I sat outside waiting for a friend
For plans that were supposed to be
She never came, so I stayed waiting
And that's when this appeared to me

I got my troubles and addictions
I got things I want to change
Some days are better than others
Well, it's just one of those days

I waited long enough to see if
Maybe she had changed her mind
Don't hate me for being controversial
I just run on my own time

I got my troubles and addictions
I got things I want to change
Some days are better than others
Well, it's just one of those days

I left the stage and you behind
Not waiting 'round no more
Another day you'll wait for me
'Till then, I'm evening the score

I got my troubles and addictions
I got things I want to change
Some days are better than others
Well, it's just one of those days

I got my troubles and addictions
I got things I want to change
Some days are better than others
And it's just one of those days

Today's Tomorrow

Confrontations

With future selves

Lead me to follow

No one else

Intuition naturally

Finds itself

Strong in me

Spiritual feeling

Steadfast

Follows an original path

Conclusions drawn

Earth to soul

Live and breathe
For my own