Ladybug Spots.

I'm a chameleon. Changing to be the same. Gettin' older everyday.
I see my face changing into a woman I do not yet know.
By the time I change into her I will be someone new.
I'm 100% different then when I met you, than when I left you,
Than when I wept over you.
I am not the girl you thought you knew. I thought I knew her too.
But even though I loved you it wasn't true.
All I can think of to say is screw you! Why?
When all I wanna do is screw you.
I'm letting you get under my skin,
Digging deeper and deeper again and again.
Aging my amphibian nature and making me feel like a dumb little girl.
I just can't say no. I want to let go.
I want to grow old away from you, into something new.
To be new and fresh and aware.
But somehow you hold me like a deer in headlights stare.
What am I supposed to do when I am not strong enough to ignore my pull to you?
You knew me once. Smothered me there too.
Why in your world, was a butterfly not allowed to bloom?
Perhaps you worried I'd over-shadow you
When I just wanted to share my shadows with you.
While I was busy dreaming of what things could be,
I learned that my heart could bleed when it took a leap.
Crying like a ladybug with broken spots,
This chameleon girl grew up from your knocks.
It still hurts. I'm still changing. Will that ever change?
I read: In monarchs the power to transform lies within.
I'm ready to begin.
Just when I'm ready for flight you pull me in, again.
Will this butterfly ever get set free?
I'm learning and aging and tragically hoping you'll change for me.